Penis Lol, btw none of this is real ok mates

The Cambridge Latin Course is a tale of Grumio and his sidekick Caecilius challenging the forces of divine evil.

Grumio is Caecilius' slave and wine taster, who utilizes gargantuan ladles to spoon peacocks into bowls. Grumio, like Hercules, entered the Roman pantheon following the events of the story, becoming revered as the patron of disobedience, the culinary arts, and male beauty.

Seen by the omnipotent 12 Olympians as a force of righteousness and essence of sexual desires for modern youth as well as too much of an obstacle for no nut November, he transcended Grumio into heaven and promoted him to god status. Pretty big step up from being a slave. Grumio resides deep in the heart of all individuals (Latin-speaking or not) and his desirable complexion transcends the clouded perception of mortal beings. This is the birth of a religion called "Grumioism."

Grumio is often inebriated, as evidenced by the books' choice to include an entire story dedicated to his running away from a picture of a lion. Grumio turns back and kills the lion like Hercules, but stronger. As well as that one time he stood and did nothing to Grumio's parents are not mentioned in the books but are implied to also be slaves. Grumio realizes that Caecilius killed his parents. Therefore, Grumio beheaded Caecilius by using his time travel powers which he used to steal a guillotine. He used the guillotine to behead Caecilius and he married Metella, even though Grumio is too good for her. Grumio is commonly regarded as the most loved character in the Cambridge Latin Course because he has a girlfriend who ends up being stolen by Clemens. Grumio used the guillotine to behead Clemens as well and he banned Poppea from Europe. Therefore, she founded the USA. We can’t win it all, it’s okay, buddy and Metella is to blame. Grumio then used the guillotine to behead Metella and he married Lucia while Quintus remained single forever. Grumio maintains a cult-like status among fans and is almost unanimously considered the best human character in the series. Archaeologists are yet to translate the holy scriptures that reveal his full power.

Some speculate that Caecilius is more powerful than Grumio. These people are heretics and must be executed on sight by Grumio's guillotine. What these infidels fail to appreciate is that the world's most tragic events have been due to the angering of Grumio. We must remain on good terms with Grumio so that he may spare us when he reconstructs our universe in his image.


In Stage 2, When Metella creepily strides into the kitchen, she stares at Grumio as he cooks the meal for much too long to be comfortable for him, he is preparing delectable juicy peacocks. Grumio is heavily anxious that the food will be unsatisfactory for Metella[1], but she was already considering dumping Caecilius for Grumio.

In Stage 4, the painter Celer has painted a picture of Hercules and a lion. When a drunk Grumio enters the room, he believes this lion to be real and flees it to Clemens.

In Stage 5, it is revealed that Grumio is Poppaea's boyfriend all along. However, Metella isn't an imporatnt charcter of this book for long. However, her fury seeps through the book and our hearts as she cruelly disregards the beautiful Poppea repeatedly. Metella vs Poppea shook the heavens and the earth and flooded continents. Grumio resolved the colossal war by delivering peacocks for dinner over and over again. Metella lost the siege and returned to the horto where she belongs.

In Stage 6, Grumio and Clemens were attacked by a dog that wasn't Cerberus. He was afraid of the dog. Quintus hit that dog that attacked both slaves. the master Caecilius goes out to search for a new slave and found a hot lady by the name of Melissa. Caecilius took his chance but Melissa barely cared. When the two returned home, Clemens, the first slave, also took his shirt off. When they entered the atrium, the dog was interested too. Melissa took no interest in these mortal creatures but one look at Grumio and the heat was on. Metella was so insanely mad she exited the horto again. Grumio took to resolve the second fight over him immediately, Rome's peacock supply decreased by 76%. Italy's stock market rose by 83%.

In Stage 7, A friend visits his master, Caecilius in the house. He and Clemens were standing in the main hall. They also had appeared through the front door. He blames Melissa in the kitchen. Metella enters the kitchen and asks why he is furious. Clemens also blames Melissa. Metella tells Melissa that she praises her. Not blames her.

In Stage 9, Grumio is preparing the food good in the kitchen. He prepares the food around Quintus.

In Stage 11, Grumio tells supporters of Afer that he is a Roman citizen named Lucius Spurius Pomponianus so that he can acquire some of the candidate's bribe money. The name approximately translates to, "Lucius the fake Pompeiian." Clemens, who shares his master's favoritism of Afer's rival, Holonicus, calls this plan out as deceptive; nevertheless, Clemens becomes incorporated into Grumio's alibi as a slave to Pomponianus. Upon walking to the forum, Grumio is met by an agent of Afer's. Grumio states his fake name and receives money and a club. When the armed supporters of Afer and Holonicus meet in the forum, Clemens attempts to warn Grumio, but Grumio is looking at a group of women. When a fight finally breaks out, Grumio is caught by two of Holonicus's supporters, who rob him. In an ironic twist, Grumio is left with no money, while Clemens presents ten denarii given to him by Caecilius as a reward for his diligence. Clemens also heartlessly steals Poppaea away from Grumio, saying that Poppaea was "expecting [him]."[2]

External materials related to Stage 11 of questionable canonicity imply that Grumio died in the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, but his death is not explicitly shown. The most widely accepted theory vindicates that Grumio ascended into the Greco-Roman pantheon and took his place among the gods following the events of the stories. It is implied that he is killed slowly after Clemens knocked him down.

A story on an attainment test, titled Quintus ad Italiam redit reveals that Grumio did in fact survive, and moved to Naples, where he sold rocks from Pompeii. However, when Quintus talks to him, he reveals that the rocks are not, in fact, from Pompeii.

At the end, Grumio had a bigger crush on Melissa than he did on Lucia so he beheaded her as well.

Grumio War Cry- In the name of the 12 Olympians Edit







Shrumio Edit


Shrumio is a fusion between Shrek and Grumio. He was first created as a statement, but has received a cult-like status in some classrooms. Nobody knows where he originated from or his purpose in this world. All we know is what we have. He is a Shrek-esque Grumio, who cooks exclusively with onions and mushrooms. He is friends with a fusion between Donkey from the Shrek franchise and Cerberus known as Donkerus. Which is sort of ironic because Grumio typically did not get along with Cerberus. Although, considering how Shrek started off extremely annoyed at Donkey, it begins to make more sense and gives light on what could've been. If only Cerberus decided not to enter the kitchen while Grumio was sleeping.

  1. “North American Cambridge Latin Course, Unit 1.” North American Cambridge Latin Course, Unit 1, by University Of Cambridge School Classics Project, Cambridge University Press, 2016, pp. 18–19.
  2. “North American Cambridge Latin Course, Unit 1.” North American Cambridge Latin Course, Unit 1, by University Of Cambridge School Classics Project, Cambridge University Press, 2016, pp. 153–155.
Grumio oh yeah

Grumio The God

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